The past few days (well, if we're being honest here---it would be months) have been super hard. The internet can be a deceiving place. I don't like to get on the internet and complain. I like the pictures that I post to show the happy times. Who honestly wants to see pictures of my kids disobeying or me lying down on the couch multiple times a day? Fatigue and stomach pain have really interfered with my life lately. And over the past few days, I haven't been able to do much more than take care of our basic needs and try to keep the house somewhat picked up.
That can be discouraging. Add in a million other things and I start to feel like a failure of a wife and a mother. Today, when I got out of bed, I so badly wanted to feel well and be able to smile REAL smiles at my little birthday boy. I prayed that I would be able to feel joy and be able to express how much I love him through my words and my actions. And really, I didn't get off to much of a good start.
The clock was ticking down and I had yet to feel like I was making this birthday special for him. I was feeling like my "cool mom points" were rapidly being taken away. But throughout the day, Kai would just giggle with excitement because it was his birthday, and he would always follow up those giggles with a big hug for me and a big "I love you, mommy!"
The more hugs I got, the more joy I felt. This continued on through the night as we took him to (the oh so fancy) McDonald's for his special birthday meal. (You can get away with simple stuff like that when you don't ever go out to eat. A Happy Meal to my kids is like you're buying them an iPad--haha) By the end of the night, all I could think about was how he was the one giving the gift instead of receiving it. He was making it a special day for me instead of me making it special for him. He fills me with so much thankfulness. My heart was seriously aching with love for him as I replayed each smile and hug throughout the night.
I know it probably doesn't sound like much to anyone else, but God answered my prayer for joy this morning through our sweet 5 year old. And I am blessed to have a child (well, 4 of them so far) who don't expect anything grand for their birthdays. Just showing them our love is all that they desire.
So, anyway, that was kind of rambling and I have no clue if it made sense. But my heart was just pouring with the love I have for my son and I just wanted to share so I can look back to this post and be reminded how blessed I am by all 4 of my children.
So Happy Birthday Kai! We love you to the Death Star and back :)